Everyone
makes
mistakes.
You might be
called
out
on
something
you
say
at
a
FemPhys
event.
This
may
be
unexpected
or
seem
unrelated
to
the
topic
at
hand,
but
try
to
keep
in
mind
that
systemic
social
injustice
is
ubiquitous
in
our
lives. FemPhys
encourages
education
before
judgement---we're
all
trying
to
change
our
world
for
the
better,
so
let's
listen
to
each
other
when
we
point
out
something
hurtful
or
problematic.
Calling out might involve:
- correcting pronoun usage,
- identifying a word as a slur, or
- identifying behaviour as racist, misogynist, etc.
How should calling out be performed?
This is a complicated question. Some comments really hurt people, and that hurt or anger is real. Responding to a comment that hurts you might involve anger.
Responding to a comment which hurts a group or person you are trying to be an ally to, however, probably shouldn't be angered. For example, making a big deal about correcting someone on the use of a friend’s pronouns can be distressing.
If reasonable, calling out should be done courteously and quickly.
How should calling out be responded to?
Being called out on your behaviour is normal. Use the CLA(I)M framework to respond:
Centre
yourself:
it’s
not
about
you,
but
working
against
oppressive
behaviours.
Listen:
trust
that
whoever
is
criticising
your
behaviour
has
good
reason
to
do
so.
Acknowledge,
verbally,
your
actions
&
their
impact.
Apologize
if
appropriate.
Profusely
apologizing
can
make
a
situation
more
distressing
for
someone
who
was
impacted.
(Inquire):
often
asking
someone
who
criticised
us
is
asking
them
to
do
more
work
than
is
required
of
them.
This
step
can
often
be
done
later
and
through
the
internet
and
allies
of
the
people
whom
your
actions
impacted.
Move
on:
understand
how
you
can
do
better
and
do
it.
If someone is correcting you on pronouns or says that you made a comment which impacts them, they are right---we don’t get to decide whether something hurt someone.
Here’s an example:
A:
“I
got
totally
g*pped
on
this
sandwich,
it
was
way
too
expensive.”
B:
“Ugh,
that
sucks.
By
the
way,
A,
the
word
g*pped
derives
from
negative
connotations
with
the
word
g*ypsy,
which
is
a
slur
for
Roma
people.”
A:
“Oh,
I
didn’t
know
that.
Thanks,
B.
I’ll
try
to
not
use
that
word
anymore.”
Here’s a pronoun-related example:
A:
“C
said
that
she
was
coming,
right?”
B:
“Oh,
C
uses
they/them
pronouns.
Yeah,
they’re
going
to
be
a
little
late
though.”
A:
“My
bad!
I’ll
practice
some
more.
Let’s
get
this
meeting
started,
then.”