Ask a researcher

What’s a normal level of nerves and how can you support your child?

COVID-19 has been a challenging time for many students and returning to school is an adjustment.

• For most teens, going back to school should bring lots of positive benefits. However, for students who are prone to anxiety or poor peer relationships, online learning may have improved mental health⁴
• We also know that anxiety rates among teenagers have been steadily increasing, even before the pandemic,^3,8 and has been on the rise since the pandemic began^4,7

Normal nerves may include:

• Concerns about making friends or interacting in large social groups after COVID-19.
• Managing changing rules, risks, and restrictions around COVID-19.
• Having to manage a harder workload or being behind because of online school.

How to help:

• Help your teen get back into a consistent healthy routine. It may be helpful to gradually reduce screen time and get back into a good sleep routine if that’s slipped during the pandemic.
• Talk to your teen about how they feel. What are they excited about? Nervous about? Make space for them to share their worries and empathize with their experiences.
• Help your teen develop good coping skills like investing in hobbies they enjoy and spending time with friends and family.

Signs that it’s time to talk to a mental health Signs that it’s time to talk to a mental health professional ^1,2:

• Worries interfere with everyday activities
• Marked changes in sleeping or eating behaviours
• Big changes in energy levels
• Avoiding people, places, and things that trigger anxiety – like school
• Difficulty focusing or repeatedly focusing on worries
• Loss of interest in things they used to enjoy
• Withdrawing from friends and family

Sources

1. Anxiety Canada. (2019). Helping Your Anxious Child or Teen | Here to Help. Here To Help. https://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/infosheet/helping-your-anxious-child-or-teen
2. Anxiety: pre-teens and teenagers. (2021, May 13). Raising Children Network. https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/mental-health-physical-health/stress-anxiety-depression/anxiy
3. Comeau J, Georgiades K, Duncan, L, et al. Changes in the prevalence of child and youth mental disorders and perceived need for professional help between 1983 and 2014: Evidence from the Ontario Child Health Study. Canadian Journal of Psychiatry. 2019.
4. Cost, K. T., Crosbie, J., Anagnostou, E., Birken, C. S., Charach, A., Monga, S., … Korczak, D. J. (2021). Mostly worse, occasionally better: impact of COVID-19 pandemic on the mental health of Canadian children and adolescents. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00787-021-01744-3
5. How to Support Teens’ Mental Health During COVID and Beyond. (2021, April 12). Greater Good Magazine. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_support_teens_mental_health_during_covid_and_beyond
6. Miller, G. (2020, June 22). Managing Anxiety During Reopening. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/managing-anxiety-during-reopening/
7. OECD. (2021, May 12). Supporting young people's mental health through the COVID-19 crisis. OECD. https://www.oecd.org/coronavirus/policy-responses/supporting-young-people-s-mental-health-through-the-covid-19-crisis-84e143e5/.
8. Wiens, K., Bhattarai, A., Pedram, P., Dores, A., Williams, J., Bulloch, A., & Patten, S. (2020). A growing need for youth mental health services in Canada: Examining trends in youth mental health from 2011 to 2018. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 29, E115. doi:10.1017/S2045796020000281

If you are concerned about the amount of time your teen spends on social media, you are not alone! About 25% of parents report concerns that their child spends too much time on screens (Pew Research Center, 2020). Social media and technology offer many benefits for teens, yet too much screen time can be harmful for teens’ mental health, academics, sleep, and social relationships (Canadian Paediatric Society, 2019). The warning signs of excessive screen use include:

1. Expressing boredom or unhappiness without access to devices.
2. Argumentative or aggressive behaviour when screen time is limited or restricted.
3. Devices interfere with sleep, school, and interactions with friends and family.
4. Negative emotions after being on devices (e.g., anger, frustration).

The Canadian Pediatric Society provides strategies to encourage teens to use social media and screens in healthy and beneficial ways, including:

1. Manage: be actively involved in your child’s online life and set plans, rules, and limits for screen use.
2. Meaningful: encourage using screens for a meaningful purpose (e.g., education, socializing) rather than passively scrolling through online content.
3. Model: be aware of your own media habits and model healthy screen use for your child.
4. Monitor: be aware of the warning signs of problematic screen use and consult with your doctor or a mental health professional if you become concerned for their well-being.

Sources

Digital Health Task Force. (2019). Digital Media: Promoting healthy screen use in school-aged children and adolescents. Canadian Paediatric Society. https://www.cps.ca/uploads/tools/CPS_DigitalMediaTool-EN.pdf

Pew Research Center. (2020, July 28). Parenting approaches and concerns related to digital devices [Report]. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/07/28/parenting-approaches-and-concerns-related-to-digital-devices/

Yes. Research shows that lying is common for both children and adults. There are different types of lies: anti-social lies that benefit the lie-teller, and prosocial lies (also known as white lies), that are told to benefit others.

Children start telling lies as early as 3 years old, and on average, research has found that children from 3-14 years old tell one lie every other day. Children start to tell anti-social lies (e.g., denying that he/she ate the last cookie) before they tell prosocial lies (e.g., saying he/she likes a disappointing gift).

Interestingly, lie-telling is closely related to children’s developing cognitive abilities - and is an indication that their minds are starting to think in complex ways. That is, a lie requires that children are able to hold conflicting information in their minds, understand that others have different perspectives than their own, and withhold true information while revealing false information. This being said, if parents feel the frequency of their children’s lies are extreme or developmentally inappropriate, they may wish to understand the reasons for a lie (e.g., fear of punishment, compensating for feelings of inadequacy, etc.) and confront their child in a positive manner (e.g., identifying the truth in a calm way that doesn’t elicit defensiveness).

Sources

Lavoie, J., Leduc, K., Arruda, C., Crossman, A. M., & Talwar, V. (2017). Developmental profiles of children’s spontaneous lie-telling behaviour. Cognitive Development, 41, 33-45.

Williams, S., Moore, K., Crossman, A. M., & Talwar, V. (2016). The role of executive functions and theory of mind in children’s prosocial lie-telling. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 141, 256-266.

Webster-Stratton, C. (1992). The Incredible Years: A Trouble-shooting guide for parents of children aged 3-8. Umbrella Press: Toronto, ON.

By the second year of life, children begin to show pro-social or helping behaviours (e.g., sharing toys, cooperating with another person to perform a goal). Research has shown that, similar to adults, preschool children’s cooperative behaviour is guided by three principles. Specifically, preschool children preferentially share resources with those who are of close relation (i.e., relatives, close friends), those who have helped one in the past (i.e., reciprocity), and those who have shown great helping or generosity to others (i.e., to oneself or another person).

Source

Olson, K.R. & Spelke, E.S. (2008). Foundations of cooperation in young children. Cognition, 108, 222-231. 

After a job well done, strive to praise children for the effort that they made, rather than attributing their success to who they are. For example, after they achieve a high score on a Math test, praise them with “Wow! I appreciate how you studied hard for that test”, or, “It’s great how you tried all the questions- even the ones that were hard”, rather than, “you’re such a good student”, or, “you’re so smart.”

Research shows that attributing success to children’s ability paradoxically leads them to avoid challenges and persist less. Consider this example: if a child believes that her success is due to her intelligence, she might interpret difficulty as a sign that she might not be as smart as she was told. In order to preserve her idea of her intelligence, she might avoid situations which have a risk of failure. In contrast, a child who believes that her success is due to her hard effort would likely persist and work even harder when she comes across challenges. 

Source

Mueller, C., & Dweck, C. (1998). Praise for intelligence can undermine children’s motivation and performance. Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 33-52.

In order to share with a classmate or friend, a child may have to give up a toy that he or she finds valuable or interesting. This can be challenging for a child at any age! One aspect of socio-cognitive development that is related to children’s sharing behaviour is Theory of Mind (ToM).  ToM, which is an awareness of other people’s mental states (including their desires, goals, and intentions), has been linked to more spontaneous and more generous sharing in children. Those children with superior ToM are better able to understand that another child might also be interested in the toy, and that he or she might become upset without a turn. Children show much improvement in ToM ability between the ages of 3 and 5, which may explain why some of the children in your son’s class are less inclined to share.  

Research has shown that young children who have not yet developed ToM require more overt sharing cues than older children. To promote sharing in the classroom, you could direct the child’s attention to the desires of his or her playmate by clearly stating them and explicitly asking the child to share the toy. 

Sources

Wu, Z., & Su, Y. (2014). How do preschoolers’ sharing behaviors relate to their theory of mind understanding? Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 120, 73-86. 

This behaviour is a perfect example of “egocentric” communication, where a child has difficulty accounting for their conversational partner’s perspective during a conversation. It is thought that young children communicate in an egocentric fashion either because they have difficulty understanding that the perspective of another person can be different from their own – or because they are unable to use perspective information in a meaningful way (i.e., there are too many demands for their cognitive systems so they default to more egocentric language).

In this specific case, your child is able to see their hand pointing and the object they are pointing at, but they may not realize that the person they are speaking with on the phone cannot also see these things. The ability to understand that other people can have different perspectives than one’s own is called “theory of mind”. While infants show early evidence of some sensitivity to other’s perspectives (e.g., Liszkowski et al., 2007), more concrete theory of mind skills tend to develop around the age of 3-5 (Flavell, 1999). However, even though children at this age may realize others’ perspectives differ from their own, their ability to incorporate this information into their speech shows continued development through the school-age years (e.g., Lloyd, Mann, & Peers, 1998).

Sources

Flavell, J. H. (1999). Cognitive development: Children's knowledge about the mind. Annual review of psychology, 50(1), 21-45.

Lloyd, P., Mann, S., & Peers, I. (1998). The growth of speaker and listener skills from five to eleven years. First Language, 18(52), 081-103.

Liszkowski, U., Carpenter, M., & Tomasello, M. (2007). Pointing out new news, old news, and absent referents at 12 months of age. Developmental Science, 10, F1–F7.

Thank you for the interesting question. While there are many factors that contribute to the social, emotional, and cognitive development of children settling into a new environment, we’ll provide some information about the specific cognitive skill our lab focuses on, namely, communication.

Learning to be a successful communicator, wherein children start to consider the perspective of their conversational partners, shows a trajectory that spans from infancy (e.g., Southgate, Chevallier, & Csibra, 2010) to adolescence (e.g., Dumontheil, Apperly & Blakemore, 2010). You had asked about migration. While, the research on the effect of migration on communication is less clear, there is work looking at the impact of bilingualism. Current work shows that children who are exposed to two languages show more effective communication skills. Specifically, in a group of 4-6 year-olds, those children who were exposed to more than one language showed a better ability to consider a speaker’s perspective than those who were monolingual (Fan, Liberman, Keysar, & Kinzler, 2015). Thus, if your children are now being exposed to a second language, this may facilitate their general socio-communicative skills.

Sources

Dumontheil, I., Apperly, I. A., & Blakemore, S. J. (2010). Online usage of theory of mind continues to develop in late adolescence. Developmental Science, 13(2), 331–338.

Fan, S. P., Liberman, Z., Keysar, B., & Kinzler, K. D. (2015). The exposure advantage: Early exposure to a multilingual environment promotes effective communication. Psychological Science, 26, 1090 – 1097.

Southgate, V., Chevallier, C., & Csibra, G. (2010). Seventeen-month- olds appeal to false beliefs to interpret others’ referential communication. Developmental Science, 13, 907–912.

There are some important individual differences that predict children’s ability to communicate effectively with others.

Two areas that our lab has focused on are children’s executive functioning skills, which refers to a set of cognitive skills that allow for individuals to engage in goal-directed behaviour (think of these skills as the CEO of the brain), and children’s ADHD traits (i.e., the degree to which they show inattention and hyperactive/impulsive behaviours). 

With respect to executive functioning, a number of studies in the lab have shown that children who are less able to inhibit responses generally tend to be more ‘egocentric’ in their communication style. That is, they have more difficulty with appreciating the perspective of a conversational partner (e.g., Nilsen & Graham, 2009). Another area of executive functioning is working memory, the ability to hold in mind information. We find that children who are less able to hold in mind information show more difficulty with producing statements that are unambiguous (e.g., Nilsen, Varghese, Xu, & Fecica, 2015). 

In terms of children’s behaviour, those who display more ADHD traits tend to have more difficulty with producing statements that are at the appropriate level of detail. That is, they tend to not include as much necessary information and provide more irrelevant information (e.g., Nilsen et al., 2015). This difficulty also extends to their ability to understand statements from others (e.g., Nilsen, Mangal, & MacDonald, 2013).

Sources

Nilsen, E. S., & Graham, S. (2009). The relations between children’s communicative perspective-taking and executive functioning. Cognitive Psychology, 58, 220-249.

Nilsen, E. S., Mangal, L., & MacDonald, K. (2013). Referential communication in children with ADHD: challenges in the role of a listener. Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research, 56(2), 590-603.

Nilsen, E. S., Varghese, A., Xu, Z., & Fecica, A. (2015). Children with stronger executive functioning and fewer ADHD traits produce more effective referential statements. Cognitive Development, 36, 68-82.