How to talk to your employer, partner and family about going to grad school

Whether you’ve hit accept or you’re still hovering over the apply button, the decision to go to grad school can feel like taking a big leap into the unknown. 

You’re starting on a path where you’ll challenge yourself to grow intellectually, personally and professionally. And, while that can feel both exciting and intimidating, there’s one thing that can be even more nerve-wracking: sharing your plans with the people closest to you. 

Even if you’ve done your research and feel confident about your decision, saying it out loud can put you in a vulnerable place. What if your partner or employer questions your decision? Or on the flipside, what if, by telling them, you’re now committing to actually doing it?

As daunting as it can feel, telling the people in your life about your grad school plans is a really good idea. Here’s why, along with some pointers for how to navigate their questions and concerns.

If you have a job right now, whether full- or part-time, and you plan to keep it during grad school, it’s worth talking to your boss about your situation. What you do in your off-time is nobody’s business but your own — but it can be really beneficial to have your employer on board throughout your grad school journey.

The first reason is financial. Your organization may have a program for providing partial funding toward tuition for relevant educational programs. In most cases, your manager has to sign off on your application for funding. And there’s typically a stipulation that you will stay with the company for a set term following completion of the program, or you may be expected to pay the money back. If funding through your employer is an option, it’s a fantastic way to help finance your education.

There are also great logistical reasons for sharing the news with your boss. Classes, exams and other program requirements may fall within your regular working hours, forcing you to adjust your schedule or miss work. Some employers, depending on the degree and your workplace, may support you by allowing you to apply some of your working hours towards school.

Having support in the workplace can help you honour all your commitments and do your best at both work and school. Here are three questions your employer may ask and how to plan for the discussion:

1. Will the program affect your work hours? Availability will be top-of-mind for your employer when you share the news about going to grad school. Will you have to flex, reduce or change your hours? Fortunately, there are lots of grad programs, both in-person and online, that are designed for working students. If you’re in a salaried position with flexible working hours, your employer may be willing to tweak your schedule to accommodate your course requirements. If you’re in a part-time or hourly role, you may need to reduce hours or adjust your weekly availability. In any case, telling your employer gives them the information they need to support your success.
2. How is the program relevant to your work? Your boss may be curious about how your program will benefit you in the workplace and beyond. Before you chat, it’s worth thinking about the connections between the program and your job, as well as how your career growth can bring value to your employer. If you have an annual performance review, consider using that time as an opportunity to incorporate your graduate school plans into your goals for the year, tying the courses you’ll be taking to your responsibilities at work. That’s not to say that grad studies have to be directly or obviously related to your job; there are lots of transferable skills, as well as personal and professional growth, that come from a graduate degree — things like working in teams, writing, research translation and presenting. Part of the purpose of sharing this journey is to fill your boss in on your learning and career goals, so they can support your development. 
3. What are your plans for after you graduate? If you’re receiving funding through a workplace grant, your employer will expect you to stick around for a while after you complete your degree. Before you sit down with your boss, think about how your program will make you a better contributor or leader at work. How does the degree support the overall objectives and success of the company? Keep in mind that you don’t have to share your plans with your employer if they are not contributing financially. No matter what, an employer should be supportive of your career goals, regardless of what they are.

Grad studies will be deeply enriching — and it will also challenge you in new, exciting and sometimes difficult ways. All of these challenges, no matter how positive they are, will undoubtedly have an impact on how much energy, time and attention you can dedicate to your personal relationships.

For some, going to grad school might require leaning on your partner to carry the domestic or financial load during busier periods. For others, it could involve spending less time with family, however temporarily, so you can dedicate evenings or weekends to school.

Since you’ll benefit from the encouragement of loved ones and those closest to you throughout the process of getting your degree, it’s important to share your plans and ensure you can count on their support, however that looks in your relationships.

Here are four questions your loved ones may ask, along with some tips to help you prepare for the discussion.

1. Can we afford this? If you share finances with another person, they’ll likely want to know how much grad school costs and what it means for your bank accounts. Now is an ideal time to understand your expenses and make a plan for how you will cover them. Sit down together and map out a budget, from the start of your program to the end. Check out our budget calculator to get an estimate of what your first year of grad studies will cost. You can also look into funding, which is available for certain full-time programs, as well as student loans.
2. Do we need to move? Depending on where you live, some in-person grad programs may require you to relocate. Moving is a big change, as well as a considerable expense, that will require lots of discussion and buy-in from your partner or family. If moving isn’t an option, you can always explore online programs — there are many out there.
3. Will you still have time for us? Juggling new priorities doesn’t mean you have to give up time with your loved ones. But it may mean being more structured and intentional with how you spend your time. Why not plan a family meeting where you put your heads together to create a weekly schedule for quality time together? Ahead of the meeting, calculate how much time you’ll need for your studies and consider putting together some sample schedules. Showing you have thought through the decision can help ease the transition.
4. How does this help our future? Going to grad school, especially a full-time program, can feel like you’re asking a lot of your loved ones. It can help to talk about the big picture and how this learning experience will support both your individual and shared goals. The small sacrifices will seem worthwhile in the context of the future plans you’re working toward together.

Your community is here to support you in achieving your goals. And community looks different for everyone. Maybe yours includes your manager, colleagues, family or partner; maybe it’s close friends, roommates, neighbours and others in your village.

Wherever you are in the process, from planning to applying to starting your studies, now is the right time to reach out to the people you can trust. Their excitement and belief in you will go a long way as you set out on your new adventure into grad studies.