There is a student most of us carry around in our heads.
They are organized. They stay on top of deadlines. They understand the readings the first time. They participate confidently in class, earn strong grades, balance multiple commitments, and somehow seem to have everything under control.
Most students have encountered this person at some point. Or at least they think they have.
The problem is that this student doesn't actually exist. What exists instead are real students navigating real challenges while quietly comparing themselves to an impossible standard.
The Comparison Trap
University is full of opportunities for comparison. Students spend hours in the same classrooms, complete the same assignments, and write the same exams. It can be difficult not to look around and wonder how everyone else seems to be doing.
The challenge is that we experience our own university journey in full detail while seeing only small pieces of everyone else's.
We see the student who answers questions confidently in class. We don't see how long they spent preparing, or whether they replay that answer in their head afterwards. We see the student who earned a high grade. We don't see the courses they struggled with, the mistakes they made, or the effort that went into getting there.
Over time, it becomes easy to compare our reality to someone else's carefully edited highlight reel.
When a Setback Becomes an Identity
When things are going well, comparisons may not matter very much. But when things become difficult, the stories we tell ourselves can start to change.
A disappointing grade becomes evidence that everyone else understands something we don't. A rejected co-op application becomes proof that we're not employable. A difficult semester becomes a sign that we don't belong in our program.
These stories often feel accurate, even when they're built on incomplete information. We know our own doubts, frustrations, and mistakes in vivid detail. We know very little about what other people are experiencing.
And somewhere along the way, a setback can become something much bigger than the experience itself.
A setback is an experience. An identity is a story.
The two aren't necessarily the same thing. A difficult experience doesn't automatically define our abilities, our potential, or whether we belong at university. But when we're measuring ourselves against an imagined standard of success, it can certainly feel that way.
When Expectations Shape Our Understanding of Fairness
The expectations we place on ourselves don't just influence how we feel about our successes and setbacks. They can also shape how we understand fairness.
When we've worked hard, followed the rules, and done everything we believed was expected of us, it's natural to expect things to work out. But what happens when they don't?
A disappointing grade, an unsuccessful application, or an academic decision that doesn't go the way we hoped can leave us questioning whether we've been treated fairly. And sometimes, that's an important question to ask.
But there's a difference between an outcome that feels unfair because it wasn't what we expected, and a decision that may have been reached through an unfair process.
Fairness isn't necessarily about getting the outcome we hoped for. It's also about whether expectations were clear, whether relevant circumstances were considered, whether policies and procedures were applied consistently, and whether we had an opportunity to be heard.
This doesn't mean our disappointment is any less real or that decisions shouldn't be questioned. It means that understanding fairness sometimes requires us to look beyond what we hoped would happen and consider how a decision was made.
Just as we can be hard on ourselves when we don't meet an imagined standard of success, we can sometimes measure decisions against expectations that may not reflect the full picture.
Rethinking What Success Looks Like
One of the biggest misconceptions about university is that successful students experience fewer challenges than everyone else. In reality, setbacks, disappointments, mistakes, and moments of uncertainty are part of the university experience.
But success doesn't always look the way we imagine it should.
Sometimes it means asking for help, seeking information, or finding a different approach when something isn't working. Sometimes it means recognizing that our circumstances have changed and that the expectations we once held for ourselves may need to change too. And sometimes it means accepting that doing our best doesn't guarantee the outcome we hoped for.
None of these experiences makes someone less capable or less deserving of success. When we stop measuring success against an imaginary standard of perfection, we create space to recognize the learning, effort, and growth that happen along the way.
Success isn't necessarily about getting everything right. It's about recognizing that there's more than one way to move forward.
The Real Myth
The myth isn't that some students succeed and others struggle. The myth is that successful students reach where they are without setbacks, uncertainty, mistakes, or moments of self-doubt.
University was never designed for perfect students. It was designed for students who are learning. And learning has always involved questions, challenges, missteps, and growth.
The sooner we stop measuring ourselves against an imaginary standard, the easier it becomes to recognize something important:
Nobody has everything figured out. Most of us are learning as we go. And that's exactly what we're supposed to be doing.