Saying “no” is part of saying “yes” to what matters.
Graduate school comes with pressure to do it all, but overcommitment can lead to burnout. By practicing the art of saying “no,” you can take control of your graduate experience, enabling a successful academic journey.
Why do we feel compelled to say "yes"?
Graduate students often face internal and external pressures to accept every opportunity. Common reasons include:
-
Imposter syndrome: You may feel like you need to prove your worth by saying yes to everything.
-
Self-sabotage: Taking on too much can be a way to avoid tough priorities, but it often leads to stress and burnout.
-
A competitive environment: When it feels like everyone around you is doing more, it’s easy to believe you should too.
-
The need for experience: It can feel like every opportunity is essential for building your CV or skill set.
-
Fear of missing out (FOMO): You might worry that saying no means missing something valuable or rare.
-
Wanting to be liked: Pleasing others or avoiding conflict can make it tough to turn things down.
-
Pressure to maximize: There’s often a belief that you should stay busy and involved to be successful.
-
Cultural or social expectations: Your society, family, or academic community might shape how comfortable you feel setting boundaries.
Recognizing self-sabotaging behaviours
Saying “yes” too often can result in self-sabotaging behaviours, including:
-
Overcommitment: Taking on too much can lead to low-quality work.
-
Busyness: Staying busy with low-priority tasks instead of high-impact ones.
-
Procrastination: Putting off important work due to anxiety or fear of failure.
-
Perfectionism: Delaying tasks or spending too much time trying to make things “just right.”
-
Disorganization: Struggling to manage deadlines, tasks, or communications.
-
Avoidance: Dodging meetings or conversations with your supervisor or peers.
-
Frequent changes in research focus: Constantly shifting your topic or objectives.
-
Delaying submissions or graduation: Holding back work due to fear or lack of direction.
-
Creating pressure-filled situations: Taking on unrealistic timelines or unnecessary obligations.
Saying no allows you to create space for the work and people that matter most, be honest about your capacity and timelines, and protect your wellness by maintaining boundaries.
Decision-making strategies
Before saying yes to a new task, opportunity, or invitation, pause and ask:
-
Does it fit into my schedule without compromising key responsibilities? Prioritize your own research goals and deadlines first.
-
Does it negatively impact my personal health, sleep, or free time? Your personal well-being should always be a priority.
-
Am I being fairly compensated or appropriately recognized? Be cautious about accepting work that uses your expertise without proper acknowledgment or compensation (e.g., payment, authorship rights, access to desired opportunities).
-
Do I fully understand what the commitment involves? Clarify expectations regarding time, resources, and skills before agreeing.
-
Will this opportunity significantly contribute to my personal or professional growth? Diversify your experiences thoughtfully rather than accepting every opportunity.
-
Is this a unique opportunity, or will similar ones be available in the future? Evaluate the rarity and potential impact of the opportunity carefully.
-
Am I realistically able to complete the requested task without undue stress or preparation? Avoid agreeing to tasks that require significant additional training or prep time unless you are sure you can manage them.
-
Could I help someone else say yes instead? Suggest alternative individuals who might benefit more from the opportunity.
How to communicate "no" effectively
It’s not just about what you say, it’s how you say it. Clear, respectful communication builds trust and sets expectations.
Sample phrases
-
“No. I am sorry. I cannot commit to that right now.”
-
“Thank you for thinking of me, but unfortunately, I really can’t take on another thing.”
-
“I’m so honoured that you thought of me, but I have to say no.”
-
“I appreciate the offer, but this isn’t a good fit for me right now.”
-
“Unfortunately, I'm not able to take on additional commitments.”
-
“I don't have the bandwidth for that right now.”
-
“It doesn’t sound like the right fit.”
-
“I’m really buckling down on my priorities right now, so I can’t.”
-
“I’m really maxed out right now.”
-
“I’m really spread thin these days; I just can’t take it on right now.”
-
“I’m not taking on anything else right now.”
-
“I’m head-down right now on a project, so I won’t be able to.”
Clearly communicating your limitations without over-explaining helps maintain professionalism and clarity.
Resources and support
Managing expectations and commitments is crucial for your success and wellness in graduate school. Additional resources include: