Have you ever looked at your group chat and thought, “Why am I still lonely?”
University is full of opportunities to meet people, but building meaningful friendships isn't always easy. You might know lots of people but only trust a few or find that some friendships have changed over time.
Strong friendships can make university feel less overwhelming by giving you people to celebrate with, lean on, and be yourself around. But healthy friendships don't happen automatically. They require communication, boundaries, effort, and sometimes difficult conversations.
Friends are kind of a big deal
One of the biggest myths about university friendships is that you need to find “your people” right away. You don't. Friendships take time to grow, and some will last for years while others are only part of a certain chapter of your life.
Healthy friendships aren't about never disagreeing. They're about being able to work through disagreements without damaging the relationship.
So what makes a healthy friendship? It should feel like a two-way relationship where you can:
- Be yourself without worrying about being judged
- Celebrate each other's successes
- Talk through problems respectfully
- Say no without feeling guilty
- Respect each other's boundaries
So… How do you actually stay friends?
Don't confuse constant communication with closeness
You don't need to text your best friend every five minutes to have a strong friendship. Sometimes life gets busy. Someone forgets to reply. That doesn't automatically mean the friendship is falling apart. Instead of measuring friendship by how quickly someone responds, think about the quality of your connection.
Ask yourself: “When we actually spend time together, do I feel comfortable and valued?” Someone taking six hours to reply doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about you.
Make time—even when life gets busy
University friendships can easily become: “We should hang out soon!”, “Definitely!” “Yeah, for sure!” And then three weeks pass. If you want to maintain a friendship, sometimes you have to be intentional.
- Scheduling a weekly coffee
- Having a regular study session
- Going for a walk together
- Cooking dinner together
It doesn't need to be expensive or elaborate.
Don't keep score—but notice patterns
Friendships aren't always going to be perfectly equal. Sometimes you're the friend who gives more. Sometimes you're the one who needs more support. That's normal. But there is a difference between a temporary imbalance and a friendship where one person is always doing the emotional work.
Ask yourself: “Is this relationship generally mutual?” If you're always initiating, always apologizing, always listening and always making compromises, it may be worth having a conversation.
Let your friends grow
Sometimes maintaining a healthy friendship means giving each other room to change. Not every friendship is meant to last forever and sometimes a friendship becomes unhealthy.
Watch for patterns like:
- Constant criticism or insults
- Repeatedly ignoring your boundaries
- Manipulation or guilt-tripping
- Jealousy when you spend time with others
Ask yourself: “How do I usually feel after spending time with this person?” Supported, understood and comfortable? Or do you regularly leave feeling drained, anxious or guilty?
Set boundaries without apologizing for existing
Boundaries aren't punishments. They're ways of communicating what you are and aren't comfortable with. You can say:
- “I can't hang out tonight.”
- “I need some alone time.”
- “I'm not comfortable talking about that.”
- “I don't want to drink tonight.”
You don't need a five-paragraph explanation every time you say no. You and your friends are allowed to have boundaries.
Learn how to communicate when something bothers you
Avoiding conflict can feel easier in the moment. But if something continues bothering you, resentment can build. The goal isn't to win the argument. It's to explain what happened, how you felt and what you need.
Instead of: “You literally never care about me.” Try: “I felt left out when that happened, and I wanted to talk about it.”
A useful formula is: “When ___ happened, I felt ___. I would appreciate ___.” It might feel awkward. But, do it anyway. Healthy friendships can handle honest conversations.
Build better friendships
If you're trying to improve your friendships, focus less on having more friends and more on building better connections.
Try the “3 C's”
Communication: Say what you mean. Ask questions. Talk about problems before they become huge.
Consistency: Make time for people. Check in. Follow through when you say you'll do something.
Consideration: Respect boundaries, notice when someone needs support and remember that your friend has a life outside of your friendship.
Finding your people takes time, but there are plenty of opportunities to connect.
Check out these resources to meet new people and build connections with individuals that have similar interests and passions:
- Find your community with Connection Collective
- Join a student club or organization
- Try a fitness class through Athletics
Your social well-being is part of your university experience too.
Friendships can be hard, but asking for support doesn't have to be.
If things aren't going the way you'd hoped, remember that help is available. Talking to someone, or connecting with a Campus Wellness can be an important first step. Asking for help isn't a sign that you've failed at friendship. It's a way of taking care of yourself and creating opportunities for connection.