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#4953 + ( )/51  [ Report ]
// In AP Physics. Some kid in the front row is asleep at his desk.
Dr. Dell: So if you combine these two equa *notices sleeping kid*
Dr. Dell: ...
*pulls out nerf ball gun, pelts the kid*
Dr. Dell: WAKE UP!!
// later
Dr. Dell: It's not the sleeping that bothers me. It's the loud snoring. 
#4769 + ( )/65  [ Report ]
// SLOBS with Dr. Dell during lunch. Dr. Dell writes a problem on the board which requires an estimate.
Dell: I want to be clear on what I mean by an estimate. When I say "you suck very very much," and I ask you to estimate how much you suck, I do not want to hear "I suck very very VERY much." It has to be within the correct order of magnitude.
Steven: Can we say we suck as much as your mom?
*Laughter. Dr. Dell is silent.* 
#4595 + ( )/143  [ Report ]
// The PA system has been making loud noises during a repair procedure. When Dr. Dell leaves the room to complain to someone, some juniors get up on a chair and attempt to disassemble the speaker in the ceiling. Dr. Dell reenters the room.
Dr. Dell: What are you doing?
Juniors: Trying to disassemble the speaker.
Dr. Dell: Go ahead and unplug it.
Juniors: The cord doesn't have a plug, it just runs straight into the speaker.
Dr. Dell: Get out of the way. *Gets on chair and rips cords out of speaker*
Class: *cheer* 
#4511 + ( )/135  [ Report ]
Dr. Dell: You may find that, while taking this class, you have problems sleeping.
Dr. Dell: You see, every September, I make a voodoo doll for every student in my class. Then I send them all down to this witch in Haiti, who curses them to bind the dolls to the students and sends them back to me.
Dr. Dell: Every time a student makes a stupid mistake on a test, I take this huge needle and shove it up the voodoo doll's ass.
Dr. Dell: And that's why you wake up at night. 
#4396 + ( )/36  [ Report ]
// Computational Physics
// Dr. Dell is talking about multiplication of matrices of complex numbers
Dr. Dell: So, it turns out that matrix multiplication is not commutative, but it is associative!
Brian: ...What's the difference?
Nader: Yeah, which one is commutative and which is associative?
Dr. Dell: When it's my 12year old son, I don't say OH MY GOD. But when it's you guys  OH MY GOD, how have you made it this far?!
Nader: I remember distributive... 
#4308 + ( )/41  [ Report ]
Dr. Dell: You see, if you take the derivative of position, you get velocity, and if you take the derivative of that, you get acceleration. Does anyone know what the derivative of acceleration is?
Student in the back of the room: Uhhhh, is that Jerk?
Dr. Dell: Yes sir. You see, Jerk is this concept...
*Student in the front interrupts*: Dr. Dell, what is the derivative of Jerk then?
*Dr. Dell glares at student for a moment*
Dr. Dell: Let's see. A SON OF A JERK?!?! 
#3897 + ( )/351  [ Report ]
// In physics class
Lawrence: Why do we use epsilon? K is so much better!
Dr. Dell: Take it back! Repeat after me: "epsilon naught is good, K is bad!"
Lawrence: No!
Dr. Dell: *Gets out some drill thing* I got this from Japan. It's a disciplinary device. You can't get it here 'cause it's illegal. *Puts it against a piece of paper, the paper lights on fire.*
Dr. Dell: SAY IT!! EPSILON NAUGHT IS GOOD!! K IS BAD!! 
#3805 + ( )/76  [ Report ]
// Dr. Dell is exasperated because several members of the class are working on laptops and paying no attention.
Dr. Dell: You know what I want to do? On the very last day of school, I'm going to invite everyone to bring their laptops in. And then I'm going to drink four gallons of water and URINATE ALL OVER ALL OF THEM.