Appreciating the Journey Through Grief
Losing someone or something we hold dear can be an incredibly challenging experience. Whether it’s the passing of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or the loss of a cherished possession, the feelings of grief and sadness that accompany such events can be overwhelming. Grief is something we all face, but don’t often talk about (Jakoby, 2014).
Understanding Grief
Although grief can be difficult to understand, it is important to know that grief is a normal developmental process that humans go through when faced with either traumatic loss (e.g. a death), ambiguous loss (e.g. entering a new phase of life such as starting university /a new job, or immigrating to a new country), or symbolic loss (e.g. loss of a dream or goal) (Testoni et al., 2020).
The term grief usually refers to our immediate responses to a loss. These could be emotional, cognitive, functional, or behavioral impacts. “Bereavement” refers to the period of time after the loss (during which grief and mourning occur). In contrast to bereavement, “mourning” usually refers to the process of adapting to the changes created by the loss (College Lake Country, ND).
Grief is more than just feeling sad: it is a multi-faceted personal experience that can affect people differently based on various factors such as their coping mechanisms and previous experiences with loss (Hone, 2021). When grieving, a person may experience a variety of emotional, physical, behavioral, or cognitive changes (Bekes et al., 2023). These changes may include (but are not limited to):
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Emotional symptoms: feelings of sadness, shock, guilt, anger, anxiety
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Physical symptoms: increased fatigue, headaches, changes in appetite or sleep patterns
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Behavioral symptoms: withdrawal from others or wanting to be with others all the time, restlessness
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Cognitive symptoms: difficulty concentrating, remembering, or completing simple tasks
Grief Support
For those experiencing loss or grief, support can be found through:
Students: Counselling Services and MATES. Student health benefits also provides coverage for private off-campus counselling.
Employees: Employee and Family Assistance Program. Employee extended health benefits also provide coverage for private counselling.
Off-Campus Support: Additional support can be found through The Coping Centre , Bereaved Families of Ontario-Midwestern Region , My Grief, and the Canadian Mental Health Association.
Coping through Grief
Coping with grief can be a challenging journey, but with the right strategies and supports one can navigate through the pain and eventually find healing. Grief isn’t a process that necessarily ends but usually becomes easier to manage as time goes on. Although grief is a winding road with ups and downs, there are practical ways to help ease the pain:
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Be OK with wherever you are: Grief is a complex process that includes a wide range of emotions. One minute, we can experience happiness and joy; the next minute, we can experience sadness and overwhelm. It is easy to feel guilty when we catch ourselves in a happy moment and mistakenly think that means we don’t care about our loved one. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Whatever grief looks like for each person is just fine.
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Take care of yourself: Grief can impact the immune system and cause the body’s threat system to activate, which increases the risk of illness. It is important during times of loss to be kind and compassionate with one’s own person: this includes caring for one’s heart as well ensuring that basic needs like sleep, nutrition, and light exercise are met. This can be challenging as grief can impact appetite and make simple tasks difficult.
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Give yourself time and space to grieve: The grieving process is just that, a process of learning 1) how to adjust to the absence of the person (or previous way of being) and 2) to move forward in a way that nurtures a sense of wholeness in the presence of the loss. This process takes time; it cannot be rushed or bypassed.
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Create rituals to honour your loved one(s): Establishing rituals or practices to honour your loved one(s) or the feelings of loss can be a meaningful way to cope with grief. This could include lighting a candle, visiting a special place that holds significance, eating a food your loved one(s) enjoyed, or wearing their favorite colour(s). These rituals can help transform sorrow into fond remembrance.
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Find comfort in routine: Grief can throw your day-to-day life into disarray. Establishing a routine can provide a sense of normalcy. Simple things like waking up at the same time, having meals at set times, or scheduling leisurely activities can help structure a framework for daily life.
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Embrace nature’s healing touch: Nature has a way of soothing the soul. Going for a walk, sitting in a park, or simply watching the clouds can help lift spirits. The gentle rustling of leaves or the warmth of sunlight can serve as reminders that life continues, changing like the seasons. Nature can be a comforting friend during tough times.
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Practice mindfulness: Engaging in activities that help you stay present and in the moment, such as meditation or yoga, can help you manage feelings of anxiety and overwhelm.
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Stay connected: Keeping your feelings bottled up is like trying to hold smoke in your hands; it will just slip away. Talking about your grief can help lighten the load. Speak to friends, journal your thoughts with prompts, or join a support group. Sharing your feelings can be a relief and may even bring you closer to others who feel the same way.
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Seek professional support: Sometimes, talking to a friend isn’t enough and that’s okay. When grief is complex, long lasting, or all-consuming, there is a risk that other complications or mental health concerns could develop. A counsellor can provide support tailored to specific needs and provide tools to help you work through your feelings. Seeking help doesn’t mean you are weak; it shows strength, resilience, and courage towards facing your pain.
It is important to remember that grief is a natural experience and there is no step-by-step procedure for moving forward. It takes time to process grief. It can be hard to know when to seek additional help. If you are still experiencing struggles a year after your loss, you may have complicated grief, which keeps you from healing and returning to your daily life functioning (Shear et al., 2015). Although overwhelming feelings may persist, help is available – connecting with direct care physicians and mental health professionals are good first steps. Both the University of Waterloo’s counselling services (students) and Employee and Family Assistance Program (employees) provide in-person or virtual appointments to support your mental and emotional wellbeing.
If you know someone who has been impacted by loss and grief, HelpGuide.org has some suggestions on how to support others through loss.