Week 4: Positive Pete

Monday, April 13, 2020
by Sam Vandekerckhove

Apologies for the delay in getting this week's post out. I was working away since the early hours of the morning and around noon noticed the somewhat violent storm raging outside of my window. It wasn't raining as hard as I expected, but the temperature was fluctuating and the wind was howling like a banshee. I figured it would be an opportune time to take a break and head to the grocery store for some much needed restocking (stocking, not hoarding). Given our social distancing requirements, the two grocery stores in my small town tend to get some fairly ambitious lineups at peak periods (which seems like any time of the day these days!). Fortunately, my logic in thinking, 'who wants to wait in line outside during a storm?' was validated. There was less than 20 people in the store by the time I arrived, and I didn't have to wait for a single minute in a line up. Little victories. 

"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose".

Lyndon b. Johnson

I wanted to put an optimistic swing into this week compared to the sobering topic we explored previously. Positivity is a difficult thing to find in the midst of a state of emergency in global pandemic. Our lives have been overhauled (through no choice of our own), our studying or productivity has withered away, and the ever present 'news' highlights all of the glorious fears, worries, and doubts we have about our future prospects and ambitions. Now, before you ask the inevitable 'Damn, Sam, what is there to be positive about?' - I want you to actually think hard about the answer to that question. 

To give a much needed boost to our spirits, we're going to look at two concepts: positivity and acceptance. We'll touch on some elements of self-compassion, and provide some more updates on wellness supports that are available. What fun! 

Take a gander at the drop-downs below for this week's info. If you ever need to chat, praise, or issue uncomfortable amounts of compliments, ENGWellness is always here to receive! Okay, deflating the ego now...

Let the positiviTEA steep

Did you think hard about the answer to the above question that you never asked? If you did, you'll likely come up with SOMETHING to be positive about. Whether it's simply your health or that of your loved ones or peers. Maybe it's something small that made you smile, or something kind a friend or colleague did recently. Positivity is all around us, but with that highlighted focus on everything crap (see: Negativity Bias from last week's post), it can be hard to find that needle in the haystack. Despite it's elusive nature, positivity is an important foundation of human existence. There is an entire field of psychology dedicated to positivity (aptly named, Positive Psychology) which takes the unique approach in studying human thoughts, feelings, and behaviours with a focus on strengths instead of weaknesses. It focuses on what makes us great instead of focusing solely on how to be normal. 

As luck would have it, we can use this potent scientific source to ascertain some solutions to our positivity problem! As hidden beneath the cracks as your optimism may be, there are some positives to find in the thralls of physical distancing and social isolation. Anecdotally, I've found value in commiting to several periods of dedicated reflection on some of my habits, responses, and behaviours. I've been journaling a lot more and exploring some deep uncertainties that I have about myself and my future (who knew!?). It's not lottery winning level of thrill, but it's been interesting to see how my thoughts can be influenced by the feelings, thoughts, and impressions of others. It's been more interesting to see how my thoughts can be influenced by the feelings, thoughts, and impressions of my own thoughts! Introspection is an interestingly revealing inward journey. 

Here are a few relevant sources I've read up on to assist with walking in the dark without knowing if there is a light at the end of this tunnel:

Sometimes problems can't be solved

When we're confronted with a problem we likely run through several scenarios of how it can play out (whether we do this consciously or unconsciously isn't important). Despite obvious periods of struggle, we're actually pretty decent at solving problems - or at the very least adjusting or modifying an aspect thereof to not make it such a big one. Then we come to those mountains - those feats that just can't be reasoned with or rationalized around. Something that might require an inhumane and unrealistic effort or completely outside of our realm of control. What do you do when you confront a mountain? Well if we're talking literally, I'll likely just stare at it, marvel at it's enormity, and move on. Unpopular opinion: sometimes it's easier to just accept that the mountain is a mountain rather than trying to blast through it, climb it, or scale it. This unpopular notion is known as radical acceptance. 

Radical acceptance is about doing something we humans aren't always the most comfortable with - accepting life on life's terms. We're so used to modifying, changing, or adapting everything about our lives to match what we feel we need, and when we confront something as immovable as a global pandemic, we're not left with many options other than to accept it. I'll admit, it isn't fair that we have to distance from each other and self-isolate. It isn't fair that we have to overhaul our entire method of working or studying because of something we can't even see. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. The pain is real and we're all feeling it. But should we be suffering because of it? Suffering is what you do with the pain and the interpretation you put on that pain. Suffering (in this context) is optional, the pain is not.

Saying, "I can't do this", "this isn't fair", "it shouldn't be like this way" is almost as if we think refusing to accept this reality will prevent it from being true. Accepting this situation is not the same as agreeing with it. We can accept that this is what it is and still not be thrilled about it, and if anything, accepting what is might be helpful to reserve some of those much needed mental resources for something more productive. 

We don't (nor shouldn't) accept everything life throws at us, but for those hefty mountains here's some sherpa-worthy tips:

EngWellness Recommendations

Staying Active

Staying Informed

Staying Well

ENGWellness also has a series of videos that we've uploaded to YouTube to help support you all. Here's more for this week:

Previous Videos (we'll be archiving these soon):

Don't forget that ENGWellness is here to support you! You can always book a remote meeting with your Student Wellness Coordinator!

A bit of a shorter post for this week, and thanks again for taking the time to read! Please let us know if you have anything you would like to see covered or anything you would like us to share in a future post! Connect with us at: engwellness@uwaterloo.ca. 

Stay Safe and Healthy!

-- Sam and Renate

Week 4 Bonus Pic: 'Whatcha Thinkin' About?'

pup being cute

For those doubting the value of cute animals, see here.