SRF 211: Dynamics of Dating

About SRF 211: Dynamics of Dating

What you'll learn

SRF 211 invites you to develop a better understanding of dating practices in Western culture, primarily in Canada and the USA. You’ll look at the processes associated with dating, including one-night stands, friends with benefits, and dating with the goal of a long-term relationship, among many other goals of relationships.  

In addition, you’ll learn about how relationships are defined and impacted by sexuality, gender identity, race, disability, and geography, among other social locations. Supplemented by in-class discussions and guest speakers, your assignments will invite you to critically examine societal dating messages, reflect on your personal understanding of dating, and empathize with others who hold different viewpoints. And just like dating itself, this course is for everyone, no matter your faculty or major. 

Any student at the University of Waterloo can take this course: there are no pre-requisites.  

Major themes

• Dating practices 
  • You’ll approach dating from a critical and intersectional perspective, investigating historical dating practices in addition to looking at the modern dating landscape. In particular, you’ll study how technological developments have affected dating. You’ll learn about the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships and the elements that impact dating.  
• Messages about dating 
  • Part of this course is dedicated to helping students become more critical consumers of media, especially social media. Social media sites like Instagram and TikTok are rife with messages about how to date, what to do on a date, and how to act in a relationship. By engaging with these messages and taking a critical look at them, you’ll be able better understand which messages have merit and which ones are just plain nonsense (or just plain dangerous!).  
• Empathy and personal views on dating 
  • SRF 211 invites you to consider your personal beliefs about dating, such as gender roles and your beliefs and assumptions concerning different dating practices. You’ll examine your personal biases, how they formed, and how they impact your relationships with others. The goal is to invite more empathy and less judgement into conversations concerning dating and to deepen your understanding of the many ways to approach dating (and which ones are a fit for you!). 

Readings

The main reading for this course is Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. A general-audiences book written jointly by a comedian and a sociologist, this book is an easy read that is both entertaining and informational.

The book is supplemented by academic research outlining different theories and research findings about relationships and dating practices that help students better understand the varied ways that young people approach dating, especially regarding the use of digital communication and social media platforms. This includes qualitative research pieces that contain students’ voices and the wide variety of ways they view and participate in dating practices. 

Assignments

SRF 211 involves the completion of multiple assignments, ensuring that you’ll complete at least one that you really enjoy. You’ll complete two small multiple-choice quizzes which test your knowledge of course content. The bulk of your grade will come from the Myth-Busting group project, where you will analyze the messages about dating in a social media source (article, TikTok, etc.). 

You and your group members will investigate the social media messages that influence our views on dating by examining the academic research available that either supports or debunks those messages. You'll have the option of sharing your findings with the class (via a video presentation) or writing about them in a small group paper. All in-class presentations are followed by an opportunity for class discussion and application of the findings. You also individually complete a short integrative analysis paper on the research presented by your peers at the end of the term.  

A more personalized assignment will follow the Myth Busting project, where you are invited to select a song, poem, meme, or other media form and analyze the dating messages communicated in that piece by connecting them to the course material. This assignment includes an opportunity to critically self-reflect on these messages and their impact on your own thinking and practices around dating.  

A typical SRF 211 class

SRF 211 has historically been scheduled as a three-hour class in the evening, once per week. This scheduling is intended to accommodate students who have less flexible academic plans but still want to take this course. Each class consists of a lecture, discussions, activities, and sometimes videos, guest speakers, and student presentations based on the week’s content. You can also ask questions about the course materials and assignments throughout class to strengthen your understanding of class concepts.  

Why take this course?

If you have been or want to be in a relationship, SRF 211 will likely apply to you. During the course, you’ll learn about the different forms dating and relationships can take, as well as how communication plays a large role in dating. You’ll also learn how to recognize harmful actions within dating, including homophobia, transphobia, racism, fetishizing, femmephobia, sexism, and other oppressive and discriminatory messages. Finally, you’ll become more media literate, learning how to bust myths about dating and what it should look like, and more broadly how to fact-check “dating-related advice” on social media. 

About Dr. Serafini

Dr. Toni Serafini (she/they) has taught courses across both the University of Waterloo and University of Guelph in many areas, including adolescent development, communication and counselling skills, human sexuality, and romantic and family relationships. Dr. Serafini focuses particularly on intersectionality, systemic and structural power, femme theory and femmephobia, and identity formation. She is also a registered Psychotherapist and Couple & Family Therapist with over 20 years of clinical experience and runs a small private practice in addition to her teaching and research endeavours.

Why do you like teaching this course?

“When I developed the course, I imagined it would contain content really applicable for university students. After teaching it the first time, I was blown away by how well-received it was by students from all faculties (shout-out to the Engineering students who selected this course as one of their only electives). Students clearly want to learn more about things they are actively thinking about and dealing with in their lives currently — and dating is one of them! Over the years, I’ve molded and expanded the course content to cover areas requested by students; for example, I spend more time on healthy and unhealthy relationships, as this is an important topic for students."

"I also love this course because it connects to my training and practice as a relational therapist, and my research on identity formation and how gender and sexual identity and gender expression play out in relationships. I enjoy working with students who are actively figuring out who they are and who they want to be, and the content of this course is so relevant to young people at this stage in their development. To be able to teach a course that is personally relevant to the bodies in the room at this time in their life is a joy.”   

How do you engage your students during class?

“Enthusiasm and excitement. I have a lot of fun when I teach — I enjoy facilitating critical and applied discussions about the content. I ensure that classes are very interactive so that students have opportunities to share their positions, wonders, opinions, and questions, all with the goal of creating a rich learning environment.

Having fun while learning is very important! I am known for bringing candy or chocolates to class and throwing them out to students when they answer questions or otherwise engage in discussions. I have heard from students that they appreciate this, as it adds an entertaining aspect to the course, while also helping to focus attention (and perhaps wake from naps!). Honestly, it’s the student engagement that fuels me — when you are interested and excited, I’m in my happy place.” 

What do you hope students will get out of this course?

“I am fundamentally committed to doing what I can to help build a world with healthier relationships. People hurt each other way too much, often unintentionally. If we all think more mindfully about the impact that our words, silences, and actions have on other people, we can be part of creating healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

This course focuses on communication, assumptions, and perceptions in the dating context and I hope that students leave with a better understanding of the complexities of communication, especially in digital contexts, along with a more critical understanding of how to engage social media messages about dating. It also invites students to consider how the dating context varies for people with minoritized and marginalized identities (e.g. race, class, culture, sexuality, gender, disability). I hope this course helps students of all identities feel seen, valued, and that they have the right to exist in contexts that are not dangerous.

Finally, I hope students learn how to be better critical consumers of media messages related to dating, sexuality, and relationships. While students don’t have to incorporate everything we learn in class into their own relationships (although I hope they apply some of it!), they should hopefully become more knowledgeable and less judgmental as we break down myths associated with different dating practices.” 

Do you have a favourite topic in this course?

“So many! I like talking about gender and sexual scripts because I think they operate on a level of not-quite-conscious awareness. The deep, critical discussions we have in class about how they manifest in our lives and relationships are one of the best parts of this course for me! I also like to lay some critical groundwork for understanding intersectionality by weaving in material on various isms, like sexism, ablism, racism as well as homophobia, transphobia, femmephobia, among others. Regarding gender roles, sexism, misogyny, and femmephobia, students often think, ‘well, times have changed, those are things of the past.’ But they are not, and we see through the research and social media messages that they are, sadly, alive and well. As the course unfolds, these concepts become part of our ongoing discussions and students start to realize for themselves that these things are still at play and that they restrict and limit all people in various ways.  

I also love all the digital communication stuff — all the nuances around how long you take to analyze what a person’s text means, what they said and didn’t say, how long it takes them to respond, etc. But here’s the thing — we actually don’t know what that person was thinking when they wrote their message, or what they were intending to communicate. So, while you may think they’re being a jerk, there are actually so many other possibilities! I really like thinking about how we construct meaning and how we fill in blanks with our own perceptions, often fuelled by our own biases and assumptions. This course is filled with really engaging discussions about these and other topics, so each class brings something new, which makes it exciting for me to teach!” 

About Ash

Ash Pike (they/them) is an SRF major.

Why did you take this course?

“I grew up in a polyamorous family, I had three parents for most of my life, so I had conversations with my parents that a lot of people don't. Getting to sit on the other side of the conversation to see how polyamory is addressed in an academic context while getting closer to my major was a win-win situation for me. I grew up where I didn’t see my family represented in movies or TV shows. Being able to discuss the romance and sweetness within dating as well as the realistic aspects of hard work without making it look like a bad thing allowed me to see the kind of relationship I grew up with. 

As a non-binary person in a polyamorous relationship, this course also made me feel like I was being seen. I wasn’t just the odd one out who had to learn about the dyadic relationship between a man and a woman. I could see me and my partner, and talking about less traditional relationships made me feel included in the course.” 

What is the most important thing you learned in this course?

“The main project is a co-operative project, so you learn how to collaborate with people and put yourself out there to pick your group members. The project involves taking an article or something off the Internet about relationships and breaking it apart. You learn a lot of skills and how to tell what misinformation is, as well as how to take articles that are peer-reviewed and a little more accurate and put them against what you’re hearing in the media. It gives you this ability to critically think about what relationship advice you’re hearing in the media or on TikTok and how a lot of it is toxic.” 

Would you recommend this course to other students?

“Oh, yeah. Even if you’re not in SRF, you gain so many skills on dating, which is something many of us do. It allows you to understand and remove the taboo surrounding some kinds of relationships, like one-night stands, gives you all the dating options available, including online dating. You also gain a voice. You were never criticized, and at no point did it feel like it had to be a one-sided conversation. Even if you had different thoughts on things from other people, it didn’t feel like a war zone. We were encouraged to ask questions. And it doesn’t hurt that Toni brings candy that she gives you when you speak in class!” 

Special thanks to Dr. Serafini and Ash for providing interviews for this article.