Supporting Adults

Supporting Other Adults (Co-workers, Friends, and Adult Family Members)

For medical emergencies, please call 911 immediately.

Supporting co-workers, friends and adult family members is similar to supporting students. It is often easier to indentify signs of struggle or distress in others than it is to see them in ourselves. You can provide useful information to assist colleagues and loved ones in getting help. You should not take on the role of counsellor or try to diagnose them. You can provide the greatest support by remaining in the friend role, providing understanding, and creating a safe space. Just being in "their corner" helps a great deal.

Responding to co-workers, friends and adult family members is similar to responding to students who need support. It is important to understand the following steps:

  1. Recognize the indicators of mental illness.
  2. Respond to the individual in a way that is appropriate to the situation at hand and the existing relationship you have with them.
  3. Refer the individual to the appropriate resources so they can access the services available.

How NOT to Respond to a Mental Health Disclosure

Unfortunately, less than half the people who feel they are struggling with a mental health concern seek treatment. And 2 out of 3 people with a mental health concern suffer alone and in silence. This video from The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) highlights some of the common responses to people with mental health concerns. These are great examples of how not to respond when someone is trying to open a conversation about their mental health concerns.

View on YouTube

Toxic Positivity

When those we care about are in pain, it is only natural that we would want to make them feel better. It is easy to respond to others with the same words that would make us feel better. The desire to convey hope in the situations and belief in the individual is understandable and even noble. Unfortunately, sometimes meeting adversity with positivity can feel dismissive and even patronizing to the person who is struggling.
Toxic positivity is mindset that refuses to acknowledge times of difficulty, feelings of sadness or anger, or the dire implications of a situation. Toxic positivity is a "good vibes only" approach to life--no matter what the situation. Toxic positivity suggests that a person's problems would get better if they just "think positively" about them. While often intended to be helpful, toxic positivity can have the opposite impact because it lacks empathy and often dismisses or minimizes the persons' problems or distress. Responses like the ones listed below can shut down the conversation because they communicate that the listener is uninterested in, or uncomfortable, talking about unpleasant emotions. Sometimes we (unintentionally) express toxic positivity as a way to reduce our own discomfort or the feelings of helplessness we experience when someone shares their difficulties with us.
Some examples of toxic positivity responses are:
  • "Everything will be fine, it will work itself out."
  • "You'll be okay. things will get better."
  • "Just think positively."
  • "Just be strong, you'll get through this."
  • "You've been through worse" or "it could be worse."
  • "Your life is so great. Just focus on all the good things you have."

While reframing negative situations, looking for meaning or value in a difficult experience, challenging thought distortions, and practicing gratitude are all effective approaches and strategies for coping and managing wellbeing, however counsellors know that most people can't jump right to these processes. The first step is simply to acknowledge where the person is and have empathy and compassion for what the person is experiencing. Instead of rushing to make someone feel better, just listen empathetically.

With empathetic listening, we are "other directed" and put the other person's feelings before ourselves. We inquire about how the person if feeling, instead of projecting our own feelings and ideas onto the other person. We imagine the experience from the perspective of the other person, not how we would feel if it was happening to us. We also listen to understand, free from judgement and the desire to reach-agreement, fix, change, or protect the person.

Dr. Marius Pickering identifies characteristics of empathetic listening. For more information and suggestions see Communicating and Listening Non-Judgmentally. Tools for Dealing with Mental Health Issues in the Workplace.

Tips for Speaking with Co-workers, Friends and Adult Family Members About Their Mental Health

It takes a great deal of courage to disclose a mental health concern. When someone trusts us enough to share their situation with us, it is important to respond in a way that shows respect. It is important to preserve their dignity and uphold confidentiality. If you are comfortable doing so, meet in a private place where you won’t be overheard or interrupted.

Instead of responding with the positivity statements listed above, consider some of the following responses:

  • Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry it’s so hard right now."
  • "I'm so glad you told me. I’ve been concerned about you."
  • "I really care about how you’re doing. Thank you for telling me."
  • "I’m here and I want to help. Thank you for telling me."
  • "Thank you for telling me. What’s one thing I can do to help?"

Opening up can be difficult and emotional for both you and the person you are speaking with. SeizetheAwkward.org has many resources on how to start the mental health conversation, as well as how to support those who disclose a mental health condition.  They offer this advice when someone shares their mental health challenges with us:

  • Let them know that this won't change how you feel about them.
  • Ask them if they've seen a doctor.
  • Keep it casual. Relax: think of it is a chill session not a therapy session.
  • Listen up. Let them take the lead.
  • Avoid offering advice or trying to fix their problem.
  • Let them know it's OK to feel the way they do.
  • Make yourself available. Be the friend they can rely on.
  • Ask open-ended questions. Help them to talk, not just say "yes" or "no".
  • Let them open up at their own speed.
  • Don't demand answers or force them to say anything they're not ready to.
  • Encourage them to talk to an expert.
  • Tell them you won't ever judge them.

Additional strategies include expressing your concern in a positive tone and kindly point out and concerns you have. Ensure you let the person know about the different options to get help, however, respect the person's choices. Mental health is a personal journey, and we all travel at our own pace.

Resources for Co-workers, Friends, and Adult Family Members

University of Waterloo Employee and Family Assistance Progarm

The Employee and Family Assistance Program, delivered through Homewood Health Inc., provides employees of the University of Waterloo and their dependent family members with a range of health and wellness services.  The program is a complement to the current benefits program, at no additional cost to employees.

Homewood Health offers short-term, confidential counselling that includes face-to-face (flexible hours), telephone or online sessions for a variety of needs. The program also includes Life Smart Coaching and other online services including e-learning sessions and resource location services. Your private information, including whether you or your dependents have accessed the program, is never shared with family members or the University. Find out more about Homewood Health's services.

What to expect when you contact Homewood

You can contact Homewood Health directly by calling the phone numbers below or visiting their website.
 

  • 1.800.663.1142 (English)
  • 1.866.398.9505 (French)
  • 1.888.384.1152 (TTY)
  • 604-689-1717 International (call collect)

When you call, you or your family member will be connected with an Intake Coordinator. Homewood offers many services for a variety of issues in situations. In order to connect you with the best counsellor or coach for you and your situation, the Intake Coordinator will ask you a number of questions.

Additional Resources

Urgent & Crisis Support

Is someone you care about in crisis, feeling unsafe, or worried they might hurt themselves or others?

  • For emergency or life-threatening issues - call 911

Regional Resources: The Region of Waterloo provides various community services in addition to what's provided below.

Provincial Resources: For students who live in Ontario, but outside of Waterloo Region, the following provincial resources are available:

National Resources: Most provinces have crisis support lines. There are also federal resources that accessible anywhere in Canada.

Mental Health & Wellbeing

Physical Health

On-Campus Resources

Off-Campus/Community Resources

Illness, Injury, and Accommodations for Functional Limitations (Acute or Chronic)

On-Campus Resources

Off-Campus Resources

Stress Management

Assess your stress level by completing the Perceived Stress Scale (PDF) Stress self-check from Mental Health America

Burnout & Compassion Fatigue Prevention and Recovery

Equity, Diversity & Inclusivity

On-Campus Resources

Off-Campus Resources

COVID-19 Resources

Financial & Career Development

Career Resources

Financial Resources

Nutrition & Food

On-Campus Resources

Off-Campus Resources

Mental Health Training Opportunities

Coping with Grief and Loss

Dealing with Loneliness and Isolation

Smoking, Substance Usage and Harm Reduction

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